Attorney Visit

The lawyers were very complimentary toward j and I and how well we communicated on the issues we chose to focus upon today. Both attorneys seemed impressed with what we accomplished in the time we spent together, and they are eager to work with us as a collaborative team, to get the divorce coach on board, and to get a financial advisor involved if financial software is unable to offer a workable plan for our current financial situation. I was up front about my desire to eventually revisit custody and visitation issues in the event we reach a place where there is absolutely no hope for reconciliation, and I also expressed my willingness to reconcile if the situation changes, as I still believe that would be the best decision for all of us for the future.

We accomplished a great deal of work today, finalizing the custody and visitation for at least the next 6 months, establishing a budget for each of us to use until the official child support and spousal support guidelines are drawn up and our accounts can be separated, making a list of home repairs and expenses that need to be taken care of and establishing deadlines for these issues. I was very pleased with the interactions between our attorneys, and I was relieved that there was no subterfuge evident. 

It was a hard day emotionally for me, but nothing like I feared it might be. I was really only sad about discussions surrounding holiday gifts and the future of establishing two households for the children. I have been honestly trying to stay in the present and focus on what we have right now, but this discussion brought me back to the reality of a future apart and I worked quickly to get my focus back on the present. I am also fretting about the need for j and I to have contact to discuss household repairs over the next few days. I was eager to get to a point where he and I can have some real distance and avoid interactions that center on any issues that trigger anything resembling nagging or criticism. I believe he needs some space and some perspective. If every interaction we have revolves around the things that all married couples dread (money, home repairs, kids' expenses) with no positive interactions to balance those out like we used to have, it breaks down all remaining goodwill. And I can't repeat it often enough- we are in this for the long haul together, regardless of whether we're "husband and wife" or merely "mom and dad."